You Will Die Early

Take a look at the news articles on any site like Yahoo and you will likely see a heading pertaining to a new study. Some of these studies show reasonable common sense things. For example, studies show drinking too much gasoline will kill you. It may be surprising, but it's true! Thank you to whoever performed that study because it saved my life. On the flip side, there's been many recent studies about little things that will kill you faster than if you didn't do them.

As a matter of fact, I came across a study that said 'sitting down' will increase your chance of dying by a certain percentage. Oh no! People of Earth, stand up or die! Ok, I'm sure it's agreed that sitting down in front of a television for a prolonged period of time isn't good for you. Suddenly they throw in words like "increase, death and percentage" and fear strikes among the nation and soon, nobody is sitting down. Chair manufacturers will go out of business. There will be no more furniture stores and worst of all, we have to stand up to poop. Squatting is as close as we come to sitting down anymore, or face death. Look out.

The latest study has come out with the headline "Being bored could be bad for your health." The very first line reads, "In a commentary to be published in the International Journal of Epidemiology in April, experts say there's a possibility that the more bored you are, the more likely you are to die early." Well that sure grabbed my attention. I see the words "experts, bored, die," and that scares me. Back in the old days, I used to be afraid of getting hit by cars, skin cancer, or being shot and killed by gang members, but now that I've got 'sitting' and 'boredom' to worry about, I don't know how I made it this far, good riddance. It seems we can't do anything these days without running the risk of dying early.

So there we have it, these studies have warned the world of the dangers of sitting and being bored. Now we're all running around while singing. Today, I attached my computer to my treadmill and made sure that if I got bored I would start a fight with the person nearest to me so that my brain would be occupied and body filled with adrenaline. Life is much safer now. Thank you studies!

Other studies have shown that blogging can contribute to cutting your life in half, so I'm out!